Does Anyone Else Think Benjamin Franklin Was Full of Sh*t?

I do. I don't believe that he did all of the things he claimed to do. There just are not enough daylight hours in a day. I guess thats why HE invented daylight savings time, so he could have more time to pretend like he did things he didn't do. You taught yourself five languages when you were a child - REALLY, Benjamin Franklin? Really?? According to your Wikipedia page, you invented the lightening rod, glass harmonica, bifocals, and the flexible urinanry catheter, among others. They also say you invented the concept of "pay it forward". Really, Ben? Because I know for a face that Haley Joel Osment invented that - IMDB that sh*t, Ben. I bet you will take credit for Facebook, next. Riddle me this, Ben... if you had ALL this time to invent ALL this stuff and do ALL of these things, how did you have time to cheat on your wife with so many French hookers?

The moral of the story is... Ben Franklin = liar.

My Attention Span Does Not Hold Out

I've been trying to study for this test for the past hour and forty-six minutes. It is not boding well for me, guys, I'm not going to lie. Maybe it's the fact that I already know all of this sh*t. Maybe it's the fact that there is this computer in front of me. Maybe it's the fact that IM MEETING PHYLLIS SCHLAFLY IN 18 DAYS (yes, I have a countdown going in my planner, thank you for inquiring).

I've decided that I'm going to have to read some of Phyllis's work, and I am pretty stoked about it. I'm paying a visit to the library tomorrow and after I procrastinate for 4 hours to write my paper, I may just read some of her books. Or book. Maybe I should just start out with one. Baby steps. I don't know if any of you (by "any of you" I mean Jessica) have read anything by P. If you have, I would love to hear your thoughts (Jessica). I also fully intend on starting in on what we are going to discuss with P this weekend, and upon completion, I will post it ... here. Right there.

Sidenote: the lab is generally about 500 degrees (ferenheit, not celcius, like over in France), and today it is about -2 degrees, and I of course am wearing a t-shirt (my sweet "Hey Brother" t-shirt. see my facebook profile pic for more details). Okay, I'm going to start studying again. For about 10 minutes. Then I am going to compulsively czech facebook.

April 15th = Greatest Day of My Life

It's official - Brenden, Kalani, and myself will be interviewing the one and only Mrs.Phyllis Schlafly on Tuesday, April 15th, 2008, aka the day that will change our lives forever. I think you may have an idea of how excited me and Kalani are, but I'm not sure. It's pretty much more exciting than anything ever in the history of the world. I'm going to go pee my pants now

Phyllis, Look Out, We Are One Step Closer!

So today, I e-mailed Ruth ( I believe Ruth to be Phyllis's BFF. I would imagine they were in a sorority together, and Ruth opted to be a mere housewife after 53253 years of schooling that cost appx. $1.2 million, adjusted for inflation. She now is P's secretary, and lives in the servant quarters of P's home, since her husband died and her children have abandoned her because they are spoiled little snots. She likes to knit mittens for her car, Mrs. Wiggles). Anyway - I digress.

Right now Ruth and I are finding a day when ours and P's schedules coincide. She responded to me very promptly, which I was impressed with - about 15 minutes. Right now, I believe Ruth is on lunch. Since P is out of town, lecturing, Ruth is allowed to take a longer lunch, and drink the expensive British tea P got imported and shipped on an antique war ship, in a tea kettle and cup that belonged to Jefferson Davis.

This is Me Winning at Life for a Day

I had an article analysis and a 4 page paper due at 10 and 11 am today repectively. I started on them at... 7 am this morning. And got them both done and turned in on time. Then I skipped the class at 11 in order to take Jezka to get a truck to move her shiz, because I'm a nice person like that. Unfortunately, the universe doesnt see it that way, and will find another golden opportunity to make my life more miserable. Thanks, universe. Some day I will show it who's boss (Tony Danza).

P-Shlaf Is My Homegirl (wazzup!)

And so the epic harassment of P-Schlaf is about to begin. We are trying to figure out exactly what we want to ask her and figuring out what background reading we need to do (probably split up reading of some of her books and such. I hope she has a sweet autobiography full of pictures of her overpriviledged life. Thats a winner for everyone!). CHP (our prof, its cooler to use her initials) is stoked on it. Everyone time we ask her if she for reals will let it replace out paper, she gets super excited.

I suppose we are going to call P-Schlaf and giggle a whole lot. Then we will get t-shirts made and hope that she gives us a sweet gold eagle pin like she has. If I ever apply for a job with a crazy conservative out of desparation, I will wear it, and get hired. Everyone wins.

Jessica, if you have anything you would like us to ask P-Schlaf, let me know. This opportunity may not come up again (if I have my way, this opportunity will come up ever day, since me and Phyllis will text each other regularly).

I Fail At Life

So, I have a paper due tomorrow in my Language and Culture class that blows hardcore. Have I started on it yet? No. I'm waiting for Amanda to come into the lab because we have to interview someone for it. It's stupid. Anyways, it is due at 11 a.m. Friday. It is presently 9:55 a.m. Thursday. I have class until 3:15, and I fully intend on going out this evening and coming home at an obscene hour of the morning. You know what the funny thing is? I will probably not only get it done, but get a better grade on it than my other papers in that class that I spent a lot more time and effort into.

In other news, the high today in Edwardsville, Illinois is going to be 62 degrees. As such, I am sporting flip flops. Flip flops, and a long sleeved hooded shirt. Today is opposite day, apparently. Also, just me ranting: I woke up last this morning and my hair looks like shit as does my make up. It is lovely.

Other side note: It smells like cereal in the lab, Lucky Charms I do detect. F*ck me, I love Lucky Charms. Thats it. I'm going out and buying some tomorrow.

Get Ready, Phyllis

Today my poli sci prof said that if Kalani and I could video tape an interview with Phyllis Schlafly, it could replace our paper. As such, Kalani had found Phyllis's address and phone number, and we are on the move. We plan to arrive on horseback, so as to thuroughly impress Phyllis, and we hope that perhaps we can handle her beloved golden eagle pin. If we can pull this sh*t off, it will be the accomplishment of a lifetime. Maybe not a lifetime, but, it will be a highlight to be sure. Also, we will make t-shirts that say "Phyllis is my homegirl" on it. I'm so excited I could wet myself right here and now. Plus, that would mean no paper. But mostly it means I would get to meet Phyllis Schlafly aaaaaand we can die happy. We are so determined to make this happen. Also, Brenden (Coors Light Hat Guy) will be our camera man. It's goin down guys, it's goin down.

I Always Knew I Hated Texas

F*ck you, Texas. And Ohio. F*ck you. Side bar: I just went to cnn.com to look at politics stuff aaaand, my mouse went directly to the entertainment button, meaning either A. I like Hollywood gossip too much or B. This primary season is getting way out of hand. I'd like to think its a nice mix of the both, one part A and two parts B. Maybe three parts B, we will have to see how all of this goes.

Anyway... wtf Ohio and Texas? FAIL. Also, el presidento is endorsing McCain. Whopeedoo. I don't really have much of a comment on that. I don't really have much of a comment on anything. I'm not gunna lie kids, as much as I love all of this shiz (politics... and Barack), it's becoming a bit.... I don't know. I'm not sure how all of this is going to play out, and I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. What if Hillary get's the nom? I feel I have no choice but to jump on the Clinton bandwagon. I guess there are worse options out there *cough*McCain*cough* but... I'm just not sure how I feel about her. If Barack gets it, I will of course be extremely happy but... what IF he ends up not being qualified enough? What if he f*cks it up big time? What if he gets shot? I just don't know.... If McCain becomes president I'm flat out moving to Canada. F*ck this shit.

MOOSE JAW OR BUST, MOTHER F*CKERS (that's what my little bumper sticker will say on my luggage. okay I'm done now.)