The Germans Are Coming!

Actually, they've already been here. Over the past two weeks, the German students have really liked to come into the computer lab and be generally awesome. They pretty much make my day, even though they don't know it, which kind of makes me a creeper, but I'm totally okay with that. Also, there is a very cute one, and since I do not know any of them personally, I have decided that his name is Dieter. He is very cute and German.

Also, I am driving in STL for the first time EVER. I am bound to get lost. I will be sure to report tomorrow and tell you all about my adventure :)

Might As Well Write Something

So, I'm sitting in Starbucks, listening to awful music, waiting for 3pm to roll around so I can go sit in front of a computer in Founders hall and pretend to be productive. Anyway, today in our IS class we had to write some stupid story about the 4th of July (we won't get into the lameness of this right now, or how angry it makes us all that they put Dr.DG with a theater prof), and in any case, I wanted to write a song about the Declaration of Independence to the tune of the Fresh Prince theme, but we only had 10 minutes. As such, I'm going to attempt to write some of it now, since I have a good 20 minutes to waste:

This is the story all about how
America came to what it is now
So I'd like to take a second, just sit right there,
I'll tell you a little bit about how independence was declared

In western Virginia, born and raised
The plantation's where he spent most of his days
Chillin out watchin his slaves pick cotton
Couldn't do much else cause they'd already been boughten
When a couple a punks who werent slaves but free
Decided they were gunna go tax the tea
This started a fight which caused Tom to delcare
England needs to get the f*ck outta here

He pulled out a pen and marked on a piece of paper
And he wrote to the king "hey George, you's a hater!"
England got pissed, but taxing just wasnt fair
And thats how independence in America was delcared

Justin Says I Need to Update

So I am. There really isn't much to update on. I hate Cold Stone and have to close there tonight and then open in the morning - I'm going to have to make a child cry in order to cheer myself up. Maybe multiple children. Feel free to stop by and visit at unbusy times, guys.

Other important news: I mistook Zimbabeans for Zombies today on the news, Miley Cyrus is going to turn into a whore, and I have no idea what my paper is supposed to be about, but I'm supposed to start research on it today. Also, summer school class numero deux starts on Tuesday. I hope there aren't a bunch of idiots in that class, or else someone is going to get skate shanked in the throat, ala NHL

General Updates on Life/NEBRASKA!

I am stuck in the computer lab until 2, and theres nobody in here, and I got tired of homework, so I figured I would write a little update for those (Jessica) who care to read.

I leave for Nebraska at appx. 2:15pm. Lil J is coming to the lab sometime to pick up the key to my house, for she will be residing there whilst we are away. The only condition is that she feed and scoop the poop of Robin Sparkles. I'm sure it will be an exciting experience for her. We have a wide variety of DVD's and breakfast cereals.

So I will be in Omaha, Nebraska unti Monday afternoon. If something exciting happens (I eat a lot of FREE food), I will post about it. If I find something awesome with a Husker logo on it, I will buy it, and if I cannot buy it, I will take a picture of it and make a lovely Facebook album. What do I expect from this trip? A lot of gloating about how awesome my little cousin is and how shes going to be successful, blah blah blah. Yipee. I don't mind - I will sit back and freeload like its nobodys business. I'm in college, bitches, and although I may still live at home, I cannot pass up the opportunity to eat as much as I want for free, watch television for free, and take the longest shower in the world for free. Not to mention I can try to get my dad to buy things for me, such as clothing items, or just Husker accessories (hey dad, remember when I made the Dean's List and was generally the most awesome and underappreciated daughter ever???? I DO!)

Here is a list of all the things I'm looking forward to on my trip, and hope to document:

1. SEVEN HOUR CAR RIDE with the dad's wife.
What will be said?? Will we stop by every Starbucks we see along the way??
2. Fox News on EVERY television 24/7.
F*ck Murdoch, I'm not putting up with that sh*t.
3. Me (democratic, Obama supporting poli sci major) + Grandpa (republican anti femanist racist) = GOOD TIMES.
What will Grandpa say?? I want to hear him talk about Hillary and Barack. Man, the blogs I will write when I get to experience him watching the "news"! (See how I put news in quotations? It's because he watches Fox)
4. Graduation.
I hope someone trips/shows up wasted. Keep your fingers crossed!
5. Graduation party + my uncle bringing booze = family time in Nebraska.
Follow up stories to come on Sunday evening
6. FREE FOOD.
This is why I love graduations - people buy enough food to feed a tiny war ravaged country. Who is going to eat it all? ME. I'm going to clean out that veggie tray like you would not believe. Food is uber expensive these days (much like gas- $4.09, Exxon??? REALLY?? And you're not price gouging?), so if people feel the need to stock up, who am I to waste their investment? And all of that cake. They are sure to have plenty left over. I will be sure to let them know that I have lots of friends who have no food and no place to live (I'm slightly concerned with the amount of people that I know who are homeless at the present time). Hopefully I can bring back some leftovers for everyones (my) enjoyment.
7. My grandparents wanting to take us out to eat for every meal.
It is inevitable. They love Cracker Barrel and Ruby Tuesdays, and they aren't ashamed of it. High cholestorol much? Yes. Good thing I'm fasting for most of Saturday to save room for Sunday's feast of vegetables and cake (I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who once said "A vegetable tray and cake does an excellent meal make." I saw it on the History Channel this morning.
8. RANDOM OBJECTS WITH HUSKER LOGOS ON THEM.
What will I find this time???? Last time, the big prize was the Husker LEATHER SOFA. I hope I can stop by a Red Zone at some point (which shouldn't be hard to do, they have them on every corner, much like gas stations only awesomer). I am going to try to find fun things to bring back, but as I am low on cash, I can't make any guarantees (I will attempt to purchase any drinking paraphernalia I find, as I'm sure they are the items that will be most useful). I really hope I can find the Husker hammock while I'm out there. I think it's a necessary item for our house, to be sure.

That list was a lot longer than I had anticipated it to be. I guess I'm pretty excited to go. I haven't been out there in over a year and a half. I kinda miss Husker Nation. You really appreciate it more once you've been away for a while.

In other short news: Dr. Theising is pretty cool. Anyone who can make a 3 hour class bearable and actually somewhat enjoyable is okay in my book.

Kendyl On The Dean's List??? What??

Yea. I'm totally on it. 3.5, bitches. I hope this pattern continues throughout the summer and subsequent final semesters of my undergraduate career. That'd b great. Too bad the semester I got into my accident f*cked me over. Oh well, IM SMART! woo!

Reporting From the Lab, Day 2

It is 10 36 a.m. on a Tuesday. It is still officially summer. There are FOUR people in the lab. I still want to watch my dvd's, but can I ? No. Because there are FOUR people in the lab. And no Billy Blanks today. Side bar: yesterday he was talking to some girl about what he was doing - he was working on some brief thing for the military. BADASS. I wish I could say I was doing something awesome like that, but I can't. Instead, I am making a blog about how there are FOUR people in the computer lab on a RAINY TUESDAY morning AFTER school is out.

Yesterday I downloaded every free trial of Risk that I could on my computer. I hope to find more today, because that game is addicting. I suck at it, hardcore, to be sure, but I'm sure I will figure out a good strategy sooner or later.

Also, West Virginia today. Clinton will take it. Does it matter? Not really, no. She is still losing. And will continue to do so right up to the convention. WOO BARACK!

Reporting From the Lab...

It is 9 39 a.m. on Monday, May 12th, 2008. It is officially summer. I am in the computer lab, "working". There are THREE PEOPLE in the lab right now. Bitches, clear out - I need to catch up on Gossip Girl! Don't they understand???? I also brought Night at the Museum to watch. Although I have seen this movie many times, I felt the need to watch it again, and capitalize on all the special features that DVD's have to offer.

Side bar: Jessica, Billy Blanks is in the lab right now. I know you know who I'm talking about. I haven't seen him in forever!! I hope he is still here next semester and is in one of our classes. That would be AWESOME.

For those of you who don't know, there is a student in the poli sci department who I liken to Billy Blanks. Whenever he talks, you are motivated to either A. run 10 miles on a treadmill or B. go after the commies. Seriously, it's THAT motivational. If he went into business he could sell ANYTHING. It's pretty cool. Anyway, thats all for right now. If anything else happens in the lab, I'll be sure to let you all (Jessica) know.

Other sidebar: why are all of my friends in Europe right now???? Life isn't fair. I have $20 dollars to my name.

Fin?

So, Barack took NC, as expected, and Clinton took Indy - but by 2%! 20,000 votes. BIG WIN, HILLARY CLINTON. Is this thing prepared to be wrapped up? I sure hope so - Gobama, go!

Indiana and NC - Please End This Crazy Sh*t

When was the last election where primaries went this far? Honestly. This has GOT to end, and I'll be damned if it ends at convention. I think after this election is over, we are going to see a change in the Democratic party's primary process - especially if this does get decided by the superdelegates. It's a stupid idea to begin with, to be quite honest. (Another stupid idea: charging $25632523 for parking tickets to college students. I'm talking to you, SIUE!)

I just sneezed. Anyway, I just want to see someone *cough*Barack*cough* get the nomination already. I'm tired of listening to the two of them bicker, I'm tired of seeing all of this bullsh*t about Reverend Wright, I'm tired of John McCain whispering about his days as a POW during WWI. And I think that everyone else will feel the same way around Octoberish, if they don't already.

On another note: yesterday I wrote my anthro paper in a half hour. It was about a unicorn named Felix who comes to earth in order to evaluate our language policy, and Earth only has two languages - Chinese and English. Other characters involved include Beorge Gush and Orack Boama. And things catch on fire. That's an A+ if I ever saw one.

Dammit, Pennsylvania, You Fail

Srsly. I am tired of Hillary at this point. I'm tired of the whole primary season, actually. Just f*cking pic someone already. Let's be honest - there is hardly, if any, difference fundamentally between Obama and Clinton. The main difference between them is character - Obama has it, Clinton doesn't. Obama is likable, and Clinton isn't. It's just the way it is. The way I see it is yes, Hillary is winning the bigger states right now, but right now it's just the primary - the people who are voting are self-identified, generally hardcore Democrats. There are more people voting in these primaries, yes, but more people are going to turn out for the general than the primary. I just don't think that people who vote in the general are going to want to vote for Hillary over Barack - I just don't see that happening.

If B can find a way to really separate himself from Hillary, get past the race issue like he did before, I think he can push ahead. Spending bagoodles of money isn't helping, obv. He needs to make clear what the differences between him and Hillary are, because right now to America, the only difference is hes black and Hillary is a woman.

I just want a f*cking candidate already. That was the point of this. That is all.

LEGENDARY!

So, just got back from my epic meeting with P. It was AWESOME. She is pretty much the coolest woman ever. She said some very entertaining things, which you will see when you all watch the sweet video I am going to be piecing together over the next week. Also, she gave Kalani and I 2 of her books that she wrote - just took them off the shelf and gave them to us! And she invited us to a conference thing they have ever year, and we are totally going to go. YES!!! Overall concensus = LEGENARY!

Tomorrow = AWESOME DAY

Yes, tomorrow is AWESOME DAY (all caps denotes importance). Kalani and I are preparing vigorously for our interview, and by that I mean spending vast amounts of time on Facebook, obv. Sidenote: it's cold in the lab. Anyway, I did some research on P, and found out the following:
1. she worked 48 hours a week to put herself through undergrad. how is this possible? I shall ask!
2. she didn't get married until she was 25. I figured she would have gotton married at 18. I shall ask her about this, as well
3. she crazy! ( I knew this already, but it's just fun times )

T-minus However Many Days 'til Tuesday

Are we prepared for the madness of Mrs.Phyllis Schlafly? Absolutely not. I haven't even gotton a chance to finish her book. I plan to do that tomorrow. I also need to meet with my crew (yea, I have a crew) and get a finalized set of questions laid out. I am very excite and very nervous. I want to leave a good imression on P, after all, we are to become bff.

In other news, the economy blows, China is a bully, gas prices are redonk, and people are still little sh*theads who can't drive. Also, f*ck the geese on campus.

I'm Going to Complain About the Rain

It's raining outside, and I hate it. I don't think you all understand just how much I hate the rain. It pretty much ruins my whole day, just by existing. And, to top it all off, I ALWAYS find the biggest puddle to step in, vis a vis, my pants always (including today) get soaked up to at least half of my shin, if not all the way up. I call this epidemic "puddle pants". Today, for example, I would say " F*ck damn, I have a severe case of puddle pants ". See how that works?

F*ck today. I get to spend 3 hours here in the lab, waiting for my pants to dry, only to have them resoaked on my way to the library, where I will spend 4 more hours, only to walk out to my car and have them soaked again, and then sit in Starbucks for a few hours and have a lovely conference with my boss. Yipee horray!

Side note: Even at the age of 21, people still act like they are in middle school. Will it ever end??

Side Bar 2: Why is the ground here not even?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Bitch, I Just Fill The Paper

Work Rant:

This girl at one of the computers just really got on my nerves. I'm being all productive, working on my study guide, and I hear "excuse me. excuse me!" Bitch, I'm in the zone, if you need something, just get up. Whatever. Anyway, so I go over there, and she wants this weird program she has open and it has these charts on it, and she wants the size of the charts to be smaller because its too big and it hurts her eyes to look at. Really? REALLY? I've never seen this program before, I have no f*cking clue, just deal with it. So I got Jim, and now he's trying to figure it out for Princess. I hate stupid question people. They piss me off. Anyway, that is my work rant for the day. Now I'm going to continue to study for my test, hopefully with no further interruption. Good day.

Does Anyone Else Think Benjamin Franklin Was Full of Sh*t?

I do. I don't believe that he did all of the things he claimed to do. There just are not enough daylight hours in a day. I guess thats why HE invented daylight savings time, so he could have more time to pretend like he did things he didn't do. You taught yourself five languages when you were a child - REALLY, Benjamin Franklin? Really?? According to your Wikipedia page, you invented the lightening rod, glass harmonica, bifocals, and the flexible urinanry catheter, among others. They also say you invented the concept of "pay it forward". Really, Ben? Because I know for a face that Haley Joel Osment invented that - IMDB that sh*t, Ben. I bet you will take credit for Facebook, next. Riddle me this, Ben... if you had ALL this time to invent ALL this stuff and do ALL of these things, how did you have time to cheat on your wife with so many French hookers?

The moral of the story is... Ben Franklin = liar.

My Attention Span Does Not Hold Out

I've been trying to study for this test for the past hour and forty-six minutes. It is not boding well for me, guys, I'm not going to lie. Maybe it's the fact that I already know all of this sh*t. Maybe it's the fact that there is this computer in front of me. Maybe it's the fact that IM MEETING PHYLLIS SCHLAFLY IN 18 DAYS (yes, I have a countdown going in my planner, thank you for inquiring).

I've decided that I'm going to have to read some of Phyllis's work, and I am pretty stoked about it. I'm paying a visit to the library tomorrow and after I procrastinate for 4 hours to write my paper, I may just read some of her books. Or book. Maybe I should just start out with one. Baby steps. I don't know if any of you (by "any of you" I mean Jessica) have read anything by P. If you have, I would love to hear your thoughts (Jessica). I also fully intend on starting in on what we are going to discuss with P this weekend, and upon completion, I will post it ... here. Right there.

Sidenote: the lab is generally about 500 degrees (ferenheit, not celcius, like over in France), and today it is about -2 degrees, and I of course am wearing a t-shirt (my sweet "Hey Brother" t-shirt. see my facebook profile pic for more details). Okay, I'm going to start studying again. For about 10 minutes. Then I am going to compulsively czech facebook.

April 15th = Greatest Day of My Life

It's official - Brenden, Kalani, and myself will be interviewing the one and only Mrs.Phyllis Schlafly on Tuesday, April 15th, 2008, aka the day that will change our lives forever. I think you may have an idea of how excited me and Kalani are, but I'm not sure. It's pretty much more exciting than anything ever in the history of the world. I'm going to go pee my pants now

Phyllis, Look Out, We Are One Step Closer!

So today, I e-mailed Ruth ( I believe Ruth to be Phyllis's BFF. I would imagine they were in a sorority together, and Ruth opted to be a mere housewife after 53253 years of schooling that cost appx. $1.2 million, adjusted for inflation. She now is P's secretary, and lives in the servant quarters of P's home, since her husband died and her children have abandoned her because they are spoiled little snots. She likes to knit mittens for her car, Mrs. Wiggles). Anyway - I digress.

Right now Ruth and I are finding a day when ours and P's schedules coincide. She responded to me very promptly, which I was impressed with - about 15 minutes. Right now, I believe Ruth is on lunch. Since P is out of town, lecturing, Ruth is allowed to take a longer lunch, and drink the expensive British tea P got imported and shipped on an antique war ship, in a tea kettle and cup that belonged to Jefferson Davis.

This is Me Winning at Life for a Day

I had an article analysis and a 4 page paper due at 10 and 11 am today repectively. I started on them at... 7 am this morning. And got them both done and turned in on time. Then I skipped the class at 11 in order to take Jezka to get a truck to move her shiz, because I'm a nice person like that. Unfortunately, the universe doesnt see it that way, and will find another golden opportunity to make my life more miserable. Thanks, universe. Some day I will show it who's boss (Tony Danza).

P-Shlaf Is My Homegirl (wazzup!)

And so the epic harassment of P-Schlaf is about to begin. We are trying to figure out exactly what we want to ask her and figuring out what background reading we need to do (probably split up reading of some of her books and such. I hope she has a sweet autobiography full of pictures of her overpriviledged life. Thats a winner for everyone!). CHP (our prof, its cooler to use her initials) is stoked on it. Everyone time we ask her if she for reals will let it replace out paper, she gets super excited.

I suppose we are going to call P-Schlaf and giggle a whole lot. Then we will get t-shirts made and hope that she gives us a sweet gold eagle pin like she has. If I ever apply for a job with a crazy conservative out of desparation, I will wear it, and get hired. Everyone wins.

Jessica, if you have anything you would like us to ask P-Schlaf, let me know. This opportunity may not come up again (if I have my way, this opportunity will come up ever day, since me and Phyllis will text each other regularly).

I Fail At Life

So, I have a paper due tomorrow in my Language and Culture class that blows hardcore. Have I started on it yet? No. I'm waiting for Amanda to come into the lab because we have to interview someone for it. It's stupid. Anyways, it is due at 11 a.m. Friday. It is presently 9:55 a.m. Thursday. I have class until 3:15, and I fully intend on going out this evening and coming home at an obscene hour of the morning. You know what the funny thing is? I will probably not only get it done, but get a better grade on it than my other papers in that class that I spent a lot more time and effort into.

In other news, the high today in Edwardsville, Illinois is going to be 62 degrees. As such, I am sporting flip flops. Flip flops, and a long sleeved hooded shirt. Today is opposite day, apparently. Also, just me ranting: I woke up last this morning and my hair looks like shit as does my make up. It is lovely.

Other side note: It smells like cereal in the lab, Lucky Charms I do detect. F*ck me, I love Lucky Charms. Thats it. I'm going out and buying some tomorrow.

Get Ready, Phyllis

Today my poli sci prof said that if Kalani and I could video tape an interview with Phyllis Schlafly, it could replace our paper. As such, Kalani had found Phyllis's address and phone number, and we are on the move. We plan to arrive on horseback, so as to thuroughly impress Phyllis, and we hope that perhaps we can handle her beloved golden eagle pin. If we can pull this sh*t off, it will be the accomplishment of a lifetime. Maybe not a lifetime, but, it will be a highlight to be sure. Also, we will make t-shirts that say "Phyllis is my homegirl" on it. I'm so excited I could wet myself right here and now. Plus, that would mean no paper. But mostly it means I would get to meet Phyllis Schlafly aaaaaand we can die happy. We are so determined to make this happen. Also, Brenden (Coors Light Hat Guy) will be our camera man. It's goin down guys, it's goin down.

I Always Knew I Hated Texas

F*ck you, Texas. And Ohio. F*ck you. Side bar: I just went to cnn.com to look at politics stuff aaaand, my mouse went directly to the entertainment button, meaning either A. I like Hollywood gossip too much or B. This primary season is getting way out of hand. I'd like to think its a nice mix of the both, one part A and two parts B. Maybe three parts B, we will have to see how all of this goes.

Anyway... wtf Ohio and Texas? FAIL. Also, el presidento is endorsing McCain. Whopeedoo. I don't really have much of a comment on that. I don't really have much of a comment on anything. I'm not gunna lie kids, as much as I love all of this shiz (politics... and Barack), it's becoming a bit.... I don't know. I'm not sure how all of this is going to play out, and I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. What if Hillary get's the nom? I feel I have no choice but to jump on the Clinton bandwagon. I guess there are worse options out there *cough*McCain*cough* but... I'm just not sure how I feel about her. If Barack gets it, I will of course be extremely happy but... what IF he ends up not being qualified enough? What if he f*cks it up big time? What if he gets shot? I just don't know.... If McCain becomes president I'm flat out moving to Canada. F*ck this shit.

MOOSE JAW OR BUST, MOTHER F*CKERS (that's what my little bumper sticker will say on my luggage. okay I'm done now.)

Doddy!

Chris Dodd is endorsing Barack. In other news... McCain is still a cheater, Hillary says shes ready on foreign ploicy, and Mike Huckabee has googly eyes and scares the sh*t out of me. I feel like if I met him in real life he would try to burn me at the stake and damn me to hell because I like the homosexuals designing my clothes.

Also, this weather is just terrible. Every single day its the same thing over and over - cold, wet, and windy. I'm sick of it. It needs to warm up and stop raining/snowing/whatevering. Also also, SIU, why are the flags at half staff almost every day? I think someone is just getting lazy, because I know that not that many super important people are dying every single day. Seeing the flags at half staff puts a real downer on everyones day. I don't need that kind of anxiety in my life right now.

One more important note: The Tudors is the most crazy awesome show. I f*cking love it. All they do is have sex and yell and throw letters into fires and then have sex again. Basic premise of one episide: Henry VIII has sex with a lady in waiting, reads about Martin Luther and writes him a letter, has sex with more ladies in waiting, France, more sex, gets a letter back from Martin Luther, yells about it and throws it into a fire, sex, jousting, sex, throw a chair, Anne Boyln, sex.

Ralphie!

Yep. Ralph Nader. Running for president. I. Love. This. Race. It's like wine - it gets better as time passes. Also, too much of it will make you laugh at the most unfunny of jokes. I know this for a fact.

Wisconsin and Hawaii, You Have Officially Been Baracked

Welcome to the ever expanding club. Hillary is going to have to win big in Texas and Ohio if she is going to stay in this thing. So... that was the exciting news from yesterday....

The Office comes back April 10th, in case anyone is interested. Also, they are starting the 526th season of Americans Next Top Model and Dancing With the Stars. Really, America? You haven't grown tired of all of this yet?

I Really Have Nothing to Say of Any Importance

Tonight I'm going to a trivia night, where I will miss Big Jessica and her plether of useless knowledge. I will try to channel you, tonight, Jessica. If we win anything, I will be sure to let all of my reader know. I forgot to pay my parking ticket at SIU within 10 days. Let's see what happens. I would have paid it, but the part of the website where you can pay online isn't working. Just another reason to hate SIU/parking services, as if we didn't have enough reasons already.

P.S. I took my BOHB test today, and I'm pretty sure I got at least a B. It was good times. Also, we get candy from Jen on test days so... double bonus.

Superdelegates Are Apparently Equivilent To Villians

At least that's what I've been gathering from watching the news. CNN is going bat-shit crazy over this superdelegate stuff - it's going to be the downfall of the democratic party, and the republicans will return to the party of Lincoln, not the party of Reagan. Also, Pluto will explode and Mitt Romney will shit gold. Calm the f*ck down, CNN! Let's just take this one day at a time, okay?

In other news...

FEMA still sucks at life, even two and a half years later. Apparently the trailers they moved a shit ton of people into down in New O'leans are riddled with formaldehyde, soo.... everybody out! Where will you live? We don't know! Nice, guys.

Let's see what Fox News thinks is important, shall we? I've been really liking to go to their website lately just to see what they put on the front page....

What we've got is - manhunt for a butcher. Apparently someone took a meat cleaver and killed this psychiatrist lady in her office. Creepy. What else... Hezbollah Declares: LetThis War Be Open . Okay. Also some stuff about Miley Cyrus that I don't care about.

That's all I've got for now. Unhappy Valentines day to all those happy people out there - I will be celebrating by eating dinner at Applebees (because I'm classy like that), then watching LOST and Die Hard. Too bad I have a test in the morning that is going to be the death of me.

The Potomac Primaries Have Been Baracked

Will it ever get old? I don't think so. DC, Maryland, and Virginia, all to Barack - and by pretty large margins, too. 75% in DC, 60% in Maryland and 64% in Virginia. Go cry, Hillary, we know you are capable. Right now I am watching Andy report on it, along with a lot of "political strategists". I think that that is what I will choose for my career, or at least it's an option. I also want to be a superdelegate. Do you get paid for that shit? Let's ask Bill Clinton

They just showed a clip of McCain... someone was helping him up the stairs. HELPING HIM UP THE STAIRS. fuck. Also, Mike Huckabee still scares the crap out of me. Give it up already. Jesus. Not you, though, Ron Paul. Don't ever quit. Ever.

Also, I can't stop eating these peanut butter M&Ms. They are too delish. Also, CNN, stop trying to make your shows technologically savvy. No more touch screens, no more cardboard pieces that magically make pie charts. Just show me a fucking picture of a bar graph.

Maine = Baracked

Happy Birthday to me

Washington, Nebraska, Louisiana - Baracked

Was there any doubt? Kitty Robin Sparkles says no - she is sitting on my lap, watching CNN with me. They are discussing Mike Huckabee, and we know how I feel about that. O look, a superhero! Oh, wait, thats Mittens. Aw, Mittens, we miss you.

Not much else going on in the political world that I really care about. Other news: I need to find a new job, because Cold Stone is wearing on my last nerve. Woo! Also, Happy Birthday to me and Robert Wagner.

I Feel The Need To Post Something

I'm currently wasting my time, watch the Ballot Bowl on CNN. Still doesn't measure up to the Puppy Bowl, but whatevs. There are some primaries and caucuses today. Huckabee is taking Kansas. Remember that time I hated Mike Huckabee? Ugh. Stop putting 500 American flags in the background of your speeches. It's overkill. Also, apparently McCain is "reaching out" to Romney to unite the Republican party. Whatever.

Mike Huckabee, did u just relate freedom to an airplane? Stop it. And pick better ties, dammit.

Alright, that is all I have to say for today. I'm going to go take a shower and prepare to eat entirely too much food for my own good. Mmm, steak....

2 posts, 1 day = Exciting Politics

R.I.P Romney campaign :(

Guess Mittens won't be president any time soon.

John McCain Makes My Skin Crawl... and Other Fun Stories

Dear Grandpa McCain,
Stop it. Conservatives abound seem to hate you, and yet they vote for you. Glenn Beck hates you, and thats all that counts in my book (my books title: Glenn Beck, Sometimes You Have Valid Points Even Though You Are Conservative). Because I like to get my facts straight, I Wikipedia'd you, Senator, and have compiled a list (<3 lists) of reasons as to why I hate you:
Fact: You were born in the Panama Canal Zone, ergo NOT American. Yea.
Fact: You are OLD
Fact: You flip flop on immigration too much for my taste (my taste = apple pie)
Fact: If elected president, you want to hand out semi-automatic weapons like candy at a parade
Fact: Your wife kind of scares me
Fact: You are NOT Mitt Romney
I hope you were not offended by my list. Actually, no, I hope you were. Good Day,
Sincerely,
Concerned Citizen

In other political news.....

Hillary ran out of moneys. Hill, how are we supposed to get out of the ever looming recession if you can't even manage your campaign finances? Come on!

And in not so political news....
The final 3 will be revealed on Project Runway next week. I keep yelling at my television to Rami to stop draping every g*d damn garment he makes, but he still doesn't listen. If he makes it to Bryant Park, it's going to be a Greek/Roman empire extravaganza for the ages. I hope Christian makes it, so that he can introduce his collection as "The Fierce Collection". I hope Chris makes it to so we can see a collection of pure leopard print.

Super Tuesday.... Meh

So basically Super Tuesday led to... nothing. Dems r too close to call a nominee. McCain will undoubtedly get the Rep. nom. Why? I don't know. He's going to die before the election even gets under way. It befuddles me. We still have an exciting primary season ahead of us, kids! I <3 watching Mitt waste millions and millions of dollars of his own fortune on his inevitable trainwreck of a campaign, mostly because he looks like a SUPERHERO. Yessss.

In some not so political news.... Britney Spears' manager or someone confessed to drugging her and taking her out in public? What? What is going on? And why is this all over my (moms) television? These are the only things I want to see on tv right now:
1. Barack
2. Mitt
3. Milo
4. Puppy Bowl (every day)
5. Tom Brady crying
6. Anderson
7. Arrested Development, which I totally watched on G4 this morning because they show giant 4 hour blocks of it every Wednesday morning. Why? I don't know, but I like very much!

Nebraska, Washington and Louisiana are up on either Friday or Saturday for the Dems, and it's Louisiana and Kansas for the Reps. So that should be a good time. Oh, yea, and a bunch of tornadoes ripped through Tennessee last night. Not cool, mother nature.

Why Can't It Be Super Tuesday Already??

Heyy Reader (Jessica). So, I've been pretty emo today, getting down on myself b/c I have no direction in life. I have no idea what I am going to do. I keep trying to think of possible careers, and realize that I don't have any marketable skills. As such, I am making this list of my skills, which are all, oddly enough, unmarketable

Kendyl's (unmarketable) Skills:
1. Making the occasional funny
2. Scooping ice cream
3. Acquiring insane amounts of knowledge about television and movies
4. Drinking large quantities of coffee and holding my bladder for many hours after
5. Writing a 10 page paper the night before and getting a solid B
6. Spending money to help the economy in times of an ever looming recession
7. Filling printer paper (and nothing more!)
8. Communicating with the canine species
9. Facebooking
10. Making people think I am smart by using knowledge acquired on scripted television programs
11. Exercising
12. Deeming who should and should not have their face engraved on American money
13. Politely turning down dates
14. Making improper jokes at inappropriate times
15. Filling in crosswords with rediculous answers and then convincing people that they are correct
16. Rhyming
17. Always using my turn signal
18. Sleeping with my eyes open
19. Fixing peoples problems other than my own
20. Finding fun new ways to incorporate Baracks name into every day life
21. Making lists

STL Has Been Baracked - AGAIN

O yes, I went to see Barack last night. It was as magical as the time before, only there were 20,000 other people there, and it was close quarters, and awkward at times. It was at the dome, and they decided to make us all stand for 5 millions hours (5 million = 3) and pack us in like sardenes. There was a good mix of people - black, white, male, female, young, old. I'm sure puppies and kittens would have been there to see him but they weren't letting any in. Speaking of which, I want to watch the puppy bowl today. YES.

He talked about all of the lovely inspiration things he generally does - everyone will have health care, no more war, yadda yadda. He spent a lot more time talking about education, which I liked very much - mostly I liked when he talked about college students, obviously. He mentioned how each college student would get $4,000 toward tuition for so doing so much community service. I'm down with that. So that was a good time. Um.... that was about it. Hillary was here today, but nobody cares about that.

That's basically the latest political haps back here in the good ol US of A. More to come on Supah Tuesday!!

Democratic Debate

The highlight of the debate for me: the shot of Bradley Whitford at the end. What up Josh Lyman!!

All in all, it was bore snore compared to last time. Very civil. Both I think did a good job overall. The only thing they really sparred over was Iraq, of course, a little bit on healthcare. They really liked to bash on the Bush administration, which I find to be a good time any time, really.

I'd like to take this time to say that whenever Hillary laughs, she frightens me. She reminds me of the Joker sometimes. It's scary. Also scary - her blazer. Brown? Boo. I'd also like to say that Barack has a knack for picking out the best ties.

Anyway, I felt like Hillary was wishy washy on Iraq. What r u going to do? What did u vote for? Can't ask Billy, hes not there. Barack doesn't need Billy. I don't know what else to say.... there were a few good zingers in there. Barack said something along the lines of Hillary says u need to b ready on say one, he says u need to b right on day one. Yes. Good call. Then Hill hill said something about it took a Clinton to clean up Bush Srs. mess so it will take a Clinton to clean up this Bush's mess. I give u props for that one, Joker lady. Just dont laugh when u make a funny - it scares people. Mostly children. And me. Mostly me.

Basically Barack and Hill were being bff and there were lots of celebrity sightings: Stevie Wonder ( o yes, i crap u not ), I saw some Ed Helms at the beginning too. Good times, tho.

This Should Be Interesting

Jessica, I made this for u, seeing as how u r in France and are probably forbidden from all things American politics. As this is such an important time in politics, I feel it is my civic duty to keep u as informed as possible. As such, I feel like I shouldnt impose my sometimes misinterpreted sense of humor on all of facebook.

Let's see how long it takes me to figure this thing out. F*ck.